Lexipoeia: New Words for a New Age
Giving English a friendly push!
Posted January 21st, 2007
It is often stated, in some circles, that our society is becoming more crass; that we are rapidly losing our societal taboos. One of the arguments most often posited as evidence of this “decline in moral hygiene” is the rapidly declining power of certain words to shock us. Bitch, shit, Christ’s name taken in vain, even old stand-bys like fuck and its derivative, motherfucker, don’t pack the same punch they used to.
Now, I’m not sure that I agree with any vague theories about a “decline in societal standards” (or the associated assumption that such a decline would be “bad”), but I do know that it’s getting pretty damned hard to find a universally insulting epithet these days, and that hurts every last damned one of us.
All is not lost for us would-be offenders, however. Of all the “traditional” swears, one retains not only the power to offend, but to genuinely shock when dropped into everyday speech.
I speak, of course, of Cunt.
If any monosyllable in the English vernacular retains the true strength of a “curse word”, it’s cunt. But cunt is only one word, and one word cannot on its own shoulder the weight of offensiveness for an entire language without becoming seriously overloaded. Just look at what happened to fuck after taking on that burden: verb, adjective, noun, adverb and general all-purpose exclamation, fuck has lost its taboo. We cannot let this happen again.
To save cunt, offensiveness intact, I propose the creation of a new derivative with the attachment of a modifier, to do for cunt what “son of a” did for bitch, “head” did for shit, and “mother” was too late to do for fuck. In this place, I would suggest the term “cuntwaste”, as in “piece of cuntwaste!” Many modifiers could be attached to cunt (I’m sure that you, dear reader, have already thought up a few yourself), but I would suggest that “cuntwaste” would be the best option possible for three reasons.
The first reason is probably the most straightforward: the connotations. In the most straightforward terms, the vagina is where all of us originate (except Caesarean babies, but are they really people?), so to suggest that someone’s birth and, therefore, life, was simply a waste of perfectly good cunt is to cast doubt on the entire worth of an individual. No one likes that. This connotation on its own could make “cuntwaste” a fairly good insult, but there is second connotation, coming from the secondary use of that part of the body referenced by our new curse word, which I think makes “cuntwaste” a classic. To suggest not only that someone’s life is a complete waste, but that they themselves are as mere excrement — this is the essence of insult.
The second reason comes not from what the term suggests, but how it feels. “Cuntwaste” combines the hard C and T of cunt with a drawn-out sibilant in waste, ending with another hard T sound, the same sibilant T combination that’s done such wonders for “shit.” The soft/hard sound combination is at the core of all the best swearing, so following this tradition is, I believe, of paramount importance. Fuck, shit, Jesus Christ; it is only with reverence for those that preceded us that we are able to build on our past successes, even if those predecessors have become obsolete.
Finally, and it could be argued that this third reason is simply an extension of the second, there is the all-important sound of the lead-in phrase. The “piece of” that precedes cuntwaste follows yet another all-important swearing tradition: starting small so you have some place to go. Like the “son of a” before the “bitch”, the “piece of” before “cuntwaste” will serve to build expectations, and can be drawn out to any desired length before one drops the CW bomb. It serves as an appropriate counterweight, if you will.
Now, I know that there will be some objections to “cuntwaste”. It has been said, for example, that the term “cunt” is in itself too loaded with misogynistic implications to be used without damaging the credibility of the speaker, rather than just the target. (For an interesting discussion on this topic, why not consult this link?) To those, I would say that the term cuntwaste must be examined on its own merits. The insulting implication of “cuntwaste” comes from the “waste”; the “cunt” is merely used to provide the shock, and is not in itself the insulting part of the expression. In this way, I believe that “cuntwaste” can own the shock value of cunt, while escaping the implied misogyny. The only damage that one does to oneself when employing “piece of cuntwaste” is the damage of having a mouth like a fucking sewer.
Well, there you have it: my new word. The next step is up to you, the reader, in popularizing this word, for it is only in this way that language can grow and expand. The next time you’re in an emotionally loaded situation, ask yourself “is this an appropriate time to employ ‘piece of cuntwaste’?” At a party, at school, on the job, wherever you may be, start dropping “cuntwaste” in whenever you feel it’s needed and I guarantee you that people will stand up and take notice. The next time someone asks, “who’s that foul-mouthed sailor on the cutting edge of language?” you’ll know it’s you they’re talking about. Remember, it’s a living language. Let’s keep it that way!
Special thanks to Leo Moncel, Alex Mayers, and all the staff at the Ein-Stien Pub for the conversation leading to this article's creation.